Yesterday was a weepy day. Maybe it’s the BCP.

I’m putting a gift together for my friend’s baby shower next week. I won’t be attending since A. I will be out of town and B. I never go to baby showers.

I’ve never been a ‘shower’ kinda-gal… I’ve always felt uncomfortable at them and cringed whenever I had to fill in a quiz about how-little-I-know about the bride-to-be, or guess how much string is needed to go around the belly of a mom-to-be. Ick. I hate those games (though, I have walked away with a few sets of pretty cool tea towels and a candy dish). For the last few years, I’ve been trying to avoid baby showers. They make me sad. Since the miscarriage last summer, I find them unbearable and shopping for them is torture.

I forced myself into the baby-section of a local store last December for yet another baby shower, and it was with grim determination that I chose something (and delivered it through a mutual acquaintance). I tried to go back a couple of weeks ago for my friend and just couldn’t do it. All of those tiny outfits, the small shoes, the soft toys… will I always be buying baby outfits and toys for someone else’s baby? Will I ever have the chance to shop for mine? To keep my sanity, I did the next best thing: I made a gift. DH was on a business trip recently and picked up a set of plain, white one-sies (hard to come by in our village) and I used my artsy skill to create a personalized design for them. Some might say this is too much work, but it keeps me out of the baby aisle at the store and in the safety of my home. Focusing on the design, the color palette, the placement of bits and pieces etc., is a good distraction too.

The gift is  wrapped  and I’ll give it to my friend when I say goodbye before flying out of here. I do feel bad about missing her shower, and maybe if I were in town, I might actually go. Or maybe I would’ve organized my sock drawer instead. Either option holds equal appeal. I hate sounding so bitter, and most of the time I am truly happy for my friend, but it’s still so hard. I have ditched at least 5 showers in the last six months. Excuses I have used over the last few years included:

  • finishing up homework for my post-grad classes
  • unexpected overtime at the office
  • food poisoning
  • the flu (“…wouldn’t want to pass my virus on to the mom-to-be…[insert nervous laugh] ”)

I have also avoided phonecalls, emails, facebook invites and e-vites. I’ve even “forgotten” to write down the times/dates and just not gone, which is crummy… I know. But in my defense, the mom-to-be always gets a gift; just not my presence. And who would want me around anyways? I’d only scowl through all the stupid games anyways.