Today I’m cranky. I could explain it away by saying it’s the pill, PMS, the anxiety, maybe the lack of sleep… but you know what? I’m just cranky and don’t want to have to rationalize it or explain it away.
Things are always a bit hairy before leaving the office, even though I’ll continue to work from the city. But I just got so angry with someone who kept turning our meeting agenda into an opportunity to describe excruciating details of her pregnancy. At first, I smiled, and gently moved onto the next item. Soon, I lost my smile and abruptly moved on to the next item. By the end of the meeting, I was exhausted by her complex conversational cartwheels that ultimately drove the meeting and always came back to her (admittedly, I was somewhat amazed with her skill at segueways). After the meeting, I went for a drive and cried.
To be fair, she knows nothing about the frustrating years of trying, the countless lab tests, or the miscarriage. Shortly after announcing her surprise, unplanned pregnancy, she told me all about the number of vitamins she had to take each morning now that she was pregnant, like the folic acid and the prenatal etc etc. She didn’t know that I’d been wolfing down those same vitamins for over three years and hoping. I stood there and listened with fake concern, a smile plastered on my face, and trying to hide the fact that I totally and completely envied her position. Oh well. Tomorrow I’ll be on my way. The distance might do me some good.