This is it: my eggs are ready to go. I’ve got three mongo-sized follicles and about five in various stages of growth. The doctors are pleased with my response, all things considered, so my retrieval is booked for Tuesday. We’re hoping for 3 embryos to transfer at day three (the alternative being 2 embryos at day five, which is what I did last year). One more Puregon dose today, my HCG injection tonight, and a break on Monday, just before Tuesday’s retrieval.

stop_sign2WAIT! HOLD ON! I don’t think I’m ready. At least when I’m doing the daily injections and visits to the clinic, I feel like we’re doing something to bring us closer to becoming parents. I even begrudgingly appreciated the side-effects because I knew that the hormones causing them were also pushing out follicles. Whether we’re successful with this second round of IVF or not, this will be our last attempt. My ovarian reserves are dropping at an alarming rate and with the nearest clinic being so far from where we live, time off work, accommodations and other arrangements are cost-prohibitive. So, this is it. I hope and pray it works. But I take some comfort in the fact that we submitted all the paperwork to initiate the adoption process before we left.

It’s been a rough three + years. The last year has been especially rough, with the joy of pregnancy being crushed by miscarriage, just shy of the end of my first trimester. The professionals I’ve encountered at the clinic and  acupuncture centre have been amazing, though. It was the first place to address my infertility with the sensitivity and humanity that I seldom experience.

So, I am proceeding with caution, and protecting my heart from possible disappointments. Though I’m trying not to think too far ahead, I will be saying an extra prayer or two over the next week.