Not much to report today… it’s weird to have a day with no meds as I prepare for retrieval tomorrow. I’ll admit that I was a bit sad to do my HCG trigger injection last night. That could be the final needle I ever give myself, since this is our last IVF. And I’m still nervous about tomorrow! Even though I’ve gone through this before and all was fine, the thought of someone perforating my innards to get at the follicles is freaking me out. Calm thoughts… deep breaths…

Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my eyes closed, waiting for headaches to pass. It’s got me thinking about conversations with my pregnant and/or fertile friends who really have no idea what it’s like to ride on the roller coaster of infertility. When I talk about the frustration and depression associated with infertility, loss or miscarriage, I can see by their expression that they just don’t get it.

cactus2All of us who have experienced infertility or miscarriage are pretty amazing women. We’re warrior women! We’ve experienced incredible sadness, frustration, ignorance and insensitivity. We’ve placed our feet in countless stirrups, had numerous painful tests [“you’re putting what where ?”], and oh, who can forget the needles, Lord, how many needles do we have to endure for blood work, for medications, for acupuncture… We’ve experienced the scorn from peers who don’t understand, who make assumptions, who call us selfish, who have strong opinions on assisted reproduction, adoption, international adoption and surrogacy, yet, they’ve never been in the situation themselves.

Still, we keep going. No matter what people say, what they think, how much physical or emotional pain we experience, we find a way to cope. Ladies, if I ever needed an army of women to go into battle with, I would want you on my side.

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