This morning I had my retrieval. Like last year, I was nervous. Our clinic doesn’t put you out during the procedure: Instead, you’re given this morphine-like medication that puts you in a funky haze. But why don’t they put you out? I’d rather sleep through the whole thing rather than experience it, to be honest. But the nurses are great and definitely do what they can to make us comfortable.

I was given a needle in the hip, and IV’d about 40 min before the procedure. The doctor dropped by while we were waiting and I was relieved to see it was the same one who did the retrieval last year. During the procedure, since I was awake (!), I watched the procedure on the monitor while he explained what was happening. It was sort’ve neat and alarming at the same time to see the follicles collapse so easily.

I think he worked on about 7 follicles, but in the end, they retrieved 3 eggs… 4 less than last year. I guess the other follicles just didn’t progress. I’m really worried that we lose them. Out of the 7 we retrieved last year, we only ended up with three for transfer. It’s a bit disappointing to say the least. They kept saying it’s quality, not quantity, and that it only takes one good embryo to make a baby. Well, ok, I’ll take that for now and pray these precious 3 stay with me until Friday.

I’ve been trying not to get my hopes up throughout this process. I’ve remained much more detached than last year. But it’s still hard not to feel so frustrated with your body. How could my ovaries deteriorate so badly in one year? I need to prepare for any outcome but I can’t help but feel so sad already.

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