I was sad to leave the city. It felt like we were leaving hopes and dreams that were attached to the last cycle. Though it ended with a BFN, it felt good to be doing something. And, it felt great to see our family and friends. I was not overjoyed to be flying home.

So, I’ve been back for a few days now. Have I mentioned that I live in possibly the most fertile region in the country? I think the fertility rate isn’t just double, but triple. I’ve been dreading the return to the office and seeing the very pregnant co-worker. You remember the one… she can reduce a staff meeting agenda into a discussion about placenta in less than 7 minutes. At first, it wasn’t all bad. However, by the end of today, I was looking through the want-ads. It’s tough enough that my workstation faces the breeder…and that my boss is away on paternity leave. There was only one other co-worker who works with us in our building… and this morning, she quietly mentioned taking her leave a month before her due date this fall…

(insert screeching car crash noises in my head…) What?! You have GOT to be kidding me.

Was I horrible in a previous life? Have I been so terrible in this life? Is this some sort of karmic curse where the fates have decided to leave me as the one infertile in a population of breeders?

Wonderful. Just frickin’ great.

After the initial shock wore off, I squelched the rage against the universe bubbling inside of me and congratulated her. She’s young and she’s actually quite nice. I find it weird that while one co-worker has been so vocal about her Earth Mother status, this woman has quietly stood on the sidelines. They’re both at the same stage of pregnancy, but I’m not sure that anyone else knows about the 2nd one. I wonder if she finds our co-worker as annoying as I do? Everyone has heard all about the gory details of their philosophy on natural delivery and upcoming baby shower. But this other young woman has been doing her work, not really drawing any attention at all to herself. I sort’ve respect her for that. She’ll never know, but I’m so thankful to her for being as discreet as she was.

But, I gotta get outta this job, or at least get myself in a different building. I’m not sure I’ll be able to deal with all of this over the next few months as glibly as I have today. Maybe it’s time I returned to the city…

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