My colleague, the one who so quietly admitted her pregnancy to me on Thursday, called me at work, yesterday afternoon. She told me in a very flat tone that she had just come from a doctor’s appointment and wasn’t coming back to the office today. I recognized that tone in her voice and my eyes welled up with tears as I whispered into the phone “Are you okay?” She began to cry and admitted that the baby’s heart wasn’t developing like it should and she might have to fly out to the city next week.

In a rush, this brought back so many memories from my miscarriage. The fear of not knowing, and the anger at our ridiculous health care system bubbled to the surface. Our hospital is great at delivering babies because they deliver so many of them. But I feel like when there is a problem, they’re not as concerned about saving the pregnancy because it’s just doesn’t seem like an issue with so many babies around. When I began to miscarry, I was given no advice or information about what was about to happen. They did give me a lot of useless gobbledy-gook on their policies. I was told that it was the hospital’s policy not to administer an unscheduled ultrasound unless it was an emergency (a miscarriage isn’t an emergency?!).  I was told that while I could have a D&C, they would prefer to have this progress naturally (so, I miscarried my baby slowly and painfully over 3 weeks or more). I didn’t know what to expect, or when it would end. I was asked to return to the hospital for some bloodwork in a few days so they could close their files. That’s right, my baby and I were a file to be closed. And that was the extent of my support from our sucky health system.

I was mad. I was mad for my gentle colleague and for what she has to endure this weekend while the doctors decide what to do. Why can’t they send her to the city hospital right away?! I told her if there was anything she needed from me, I’d be there for her. I didn’t tell her that this included raging against the screwed up health system here. I’m hoping that Monday will bring better news for her. Maybe she had a bad u/s tech, which is not unusual at our facility. This sucks and it’s not fair. I’ll be thinking of her and praying for a good outcome.

To top it all off, the work week ended with my oblivious colleague talking about how she will continue to work after she delivers because she’s JUST THAT DEDICATED to her job (and driving the rest of us crazy). I thought about all the women who would sacrifice EVERYTHING to deliver a baby… I thought about my other coworker who has kept her pregnancy a secret and is spending a weekend in absolute misery. I shouldn’t judge the Oblivious One for her commitment to her career and her ‘accidental’ pregnancy, but it took all I had not to throw something at her.