Oh wow, I really don’t have much to say anymore. The failure of IVF#2 marks the end of the road for ever bearing my own biological child. Though I know I will love any child that we welcome into our family (I hope and pray we have this opportunity someday), there’s still a sadness to this realization when it hits. I guess any ending is difficult. It’s especially hard when fertility seems to surround me.
My relationship with one co-worker is better, despite the fact that our workstations are appallingly close. When she chats on the phone about her pregnancy, I simply turn up the volume to my music (don’t worry, my alternative 90s rock only fills my workspace). My other coworker is in the city, but when she left, she was extremely positive. She confided in me that her brother has heart issues but is perfectly fine. I’m hoping all goes well for her and that she returns soon. My boss returns shortly for a few weeks before leaving again to meet up with his wife and new baby. All this happiness and new life around me is enough to make me want to set my hair on fire.
But, I can’t let it get me down. Sometimes I do, and I allow myself to wallow in misery. But sometimes, I try to look to the future and focus on other things… like our adoption. And my post-grad studies which are nearing completion ( I’ve got to buckle down and finish my final research project ASAP!)
And today my new fish died! Before we left the city, I bought one of those fighting fish. I got him through airport security successfully in 90 ml of water. He survived the flight in my purse in a water bottle. Unfortunately, the aquarium kit I bought was incomplete and did not have the water-treating dechlorinating stuff that you need, as was promised on the packaging. They don’t have any pet stores where I live. I tried to use bottled water that had sat out for a few days and had arranged to have some dechlorinator sent up this week. Well, my poor fighting fish fought the good fight, but this afternoon, I found him quite dead. I took the dogs for a walk along the bay, and set him free there (I can’t bear to think of him going into our sewage). I hope he’s got lots of fresh water wherever he is. ☹