Sorry I’ve been away for awhile. My family came up to visit for a couple of weeks and the weather was unbelievably beautiful. I spent as much time as I could outdoors and away from the unearthly glow of my computer.
I’m glad to see the arrival of August. I was feeling pretty dejected in June: IVF #2 didn’t work, I had to face the fact that I would likely never experience pregnancy; and my job (and pregnant co-workers) were getting me down. AND, possibly the last straw…my new fish died.
Inexplicably, life went on… and for today’s Show-and-Tell: I have a beautiful new fish!
I’m not sure when this happened, but it feels like the tide has changed and I’m not mired in so much despair about our infertility. It used to rule my life. It fed my anger and jealousy. It also kept me hidden from a world that just did not stop breeding. But now, I’m going out more and I realized last weekend that I had made huge strides when I could actually chat with a new mother and her baby and not feel emotionally drained afterwards. Heck, I even picked up a baby last weekend and it didn’t send me into a tailspin of depression and self-loathing. That’s gotta be a good sign, right?
I’m not sure what’s happened, whether it’s time that is healing, the resolution that I am no longer actively ‘trying’ to get pregnant, or the fact that we’re now playing the waiting game for an adoption. I just don’t know. All I know is that I’ve got a new fish and feel like I’m finally in control. I sure hope this feeling lasts.
Now swim over to Stirrup Queen’s show-and-tell and check out the rest of the class!