We have another couple of weeks before the big move. Fortunately, we managed to sell our house and we’ve got a lot of packing done. These are really good things, yet, I feel like I’m spiraling into another dark period.

It’s just too hard to figure out how to start the whole adoption process all over again once we move. It’s a whole new set of rules, and training, and policies. We had hoped to adopt here, where generally, it’s a bit easier to make contact with women who wish to place their children, as the villages are small. Once we’re living away from here, this option will be more difficult, if not impossible, and we’ll soon be one of the many couples in the “system” that’s completely new to us.

I’ve emailed a few adoption practitioners in the area we’ll be moving to and have been asking questions. It seems like there’s very little I can do to get started until we are settled. It’s a bit frustrating not being able to DO anything, and I feel like I’m back at the beginning where I was mad at this body that failed me, mad at the world that keeps reproducing and utterly out-of-control. It seems like whenever we make steps to move forward, or have a little bit of hope, the rules change and we’re sent to the back of the line again.

Maybe this post makes no sense. Maybe I just need a good cry. It’s definitely been one of those weeks.