Yep, we’re done our homestudy. Another item checked off on the long adoption list of things to do.
It went ok, all things considered. DH found it very easy to talk and I found myself not talking much at all. Oh well. We covered a lot of material on our families, our childhood and even to past relationships (surprisingly, not so awkward since DH and I have known each other forever).
When taking inventory of our lives like this, we’ve gotta admit that we’re unusually lucky. Both of our parents are still together, our families are close and I love my in-laws. We never went through the rebellious teen years, did well in school and are pretty settled now.
So, you can imagine my surprise when our worker made it seem like this is not necessarily a good thing when it comes to adoption.
I understand that her role is to see how well we respond to different situations and react to different ideas she brings forward. But the fact that our lives are actually pretty boring apparently means we might not be able to understand some of the trying circumstances that birth families come from. Ok, I guess I get that.
But then again, even if we did go through some difficulties in our past, I still don’t think we’d ever be able to say to a birth family that I know what they’re going through. By virtue of my infertility, that’s going to be the case. Also, there are a myriad of issues a birth family might be working through and I don’t think I could even come close to imagining what that might be.
Now, I could have gone on the defensive and talked about volunteering on a crisis line, or watching a good friend struggle with the demons of addiction, or being there for a student who was weeping in my office because of her unwanted pregnancy (this was many years ago). But I don’t think that really matters.
In the end, I’m pretty happy with the life we lead and the experiences we’ve had. It’s true, we like hanging out with our siblings, we don’t drink that much (DH rarely even drinks socially), and our parents are still actively involved in our lives but I think that’s ok. And this is be no means a criticism of the homestudy process… I guess it’s supposed to force you to look at things from all perspectives. I also think it’s difficult to make a judgement call on someone’s lifestyle and ready-ness for a child in a few interviews. I gotta give kudos to the workers who do their best to distill our lives into one report.
Next step: the homestudy report needs to be completed and then we wait. We’ve put our name in to a couple of private agencies and plan to pursue a couple of public agencies, but I fear it will be a long wait.
So, what am I going to blog about now? YIKES.