Yesterday, we had another visit from our adoption practitioner. Our homestudy has been done for over a month, but we still haven’t seen our report (I won’t get into that). In that month, we inquired about a slightly older child who is currently in foster care. I know it was probably a bit too soon, but the child sounded so much like us… anyways, it turns out there is already a family who they will be placed with, but, because the child was a bit older than what our practitioner had expected from us, it prompted yet another meeting (still no homestudy report though).
I’m starting to get a little frustrated with this drawn out process, especially since it seems that nothing DH and I do is good enough.
First of all, we’ve had pretty great, stable family lives. We still like all of our siblings and get along great with our parents. They know about the adoption and provide support in so many ways. You’d think that would be good for our adoption, right? Wrong… it means that we won’t be able to identify with the idea of loss and the disappointments to come.
Also, we’ve traveled throughout our lives, experienced different cultures and can adapt to change really well. This also sounds like it would be a good thing for an adoption, especially if it is a bi-racial adoption… Apparently not: we might be seen as unsettled and flighty.
DH has a GREAT, stable job with incredible benefits to help us access a variety of resources. Hmmmm… that job means he’s likely working long hours and won’t have the time to help a baby or child adjust to the new home.
How about the fact that I stay at home and only take the odd contract, so I can be instantly ready for a placement? I’d be there 24/7, and could stay at home as long as I needed to in order to help the transition. Apparently, I might just be so career-driven, having worked for most of my life, that I’ll be plunged into a pit of depression from being away from work for so long after a child arrives. (does this mean I SHOULD be working now, or shouldn’t I? I’m so confused).
Okay, well, what about the fact that we’d be open to a child, not just an infant or baby? That’s gotta be good, since we always hear about the number of older kids who need families, right? It turns out that an older child might be too much for us to handle since we’ve never had kids (and apparently, volunteering and coaching and teaching don’t count).
So, yes, I’m a bit frustrated today.
You know what really sucks about being infertile? You go through failed IVFs and still have to listen to people preach about how many kids are available for adoption. So you go through the arduous adoption process, and then they keep reminding you that you shouldn’t expect a baby because there are very few. So, you decide after much reading, 27 hours of training, and soul-searching that yes, you’d be so happy with a child, if not a baby. OH, sorry, you’ve never had kids before, so really, that’s not a good option for you or the child.