It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything simply because there’s now very little to say… we’ve completed the homestudy, have a copy of the report in our hands and are in the process of sending it out to public and private agencies.
As we distribute our information to these agencies, I can’t help but feel… expectant. Even though my body isn’t carrying a baby, similar thoughts that I’d have when I was pregnant are constantly floating in the back of my mind. Like, what colour would we like to make the kid’s room? Will our new house have enough storage for toys? How will I manage to walk our beloved dogs and handle a stroller or toddler at the same time? If no one has a “shower” type celebration for us when we’re finally matched with a wonderful child, do I have the moxie to throw one myself or would that be presumptuous, and would I really care? I kinda like these thoughts, and I know it will likely take more than 9 months for a child to be placed with us (in fact, I’m braced for a two year waiting period) but I’m actually allowing myself to indulge in these fantasies every once in awhile.
Since the miscarriage, I stopped myself from really thinking about the actual changes in our life that a child would bring. It would hurt too much if it didn’t happen. But now, I feel a little bit more hopeful. Sure, it may be awhile, but I think it’s actually gonna happen.
I’ve made contact with a few public agencies in cities I’ve lived in before and we’re applying to a couple of private agencies too. I’ve made a couple of versions of our “prospective parent profile” and hope that they resonate with some of the birth families.
So, that’s it, that’s my update. I’ve been pretty quiet as of late, but I’m still popping into your blogs every so often (guilty of lurking!). I’m hoping everyone has a great summer and when anything interesting happens, you’ll see it here, promise!