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Yep, we’re done our homestudy. Another item checked off on the long adoption list of things to do.

It went ok, all things considered. DH found it very easy to talk and I found myself not talking much at all. Oh well. We covered a lot of material on our families, our childhood and even to past relationships (surprisingly, not so awkward since DH and I have known each other forever).

When taking inventory of our lives like this, we’ve gotta admit that we’re unusually lucky. Both of our parents are still together, our families are close and I love my in-laws. We never went through the rebellious teen years, did well in school and are pretty settled now.

So, you can imagine my surprise when our worker made it seem like this is not necessarily a good thing when it comes to adoption.

I understand that her role is to see how well we respond to different situations and react to different ideas she brings forward. But the fact that our lives are actually pretty boring apparently means we might not be able to understand some of the trying circumstances that birth families come from. Ok, I guess I get that.

But then again, even if we did go through some difficulties in our past, I still don’t think we’d ever be able to say to a birth family that I know what they’re going through. By virtue of my infertility, that’s going to be the case. Also, there are a myriad of issues a birth family might be working through and I don’t think I could even come close to imagining what that might be.

Now, I could have gone on the defensive and talked about volunteering on a crisis line, or watching a good friend struggle with the demons of addiction, or being there for a student who was weeping in my office because of her unwanted pregnancy (this was many years ago). But I don’t think that really matters.

In the end, I’m pretty happy with the life we lead and the experiences we’ve had. It’s true, we like hanging out with our siblings, we don’t drink that much (DH rarely even drinks socially), and our parents are still actively involved in our lives but I think that’s ok. And this is be no means a criticism of the homestudy process… I guess it’s supposed to force you to look at things from all perspectives. I also think it’s difficult to make a judgement call on someone’s lifestyle and ready-ness for a child in a few interviews. I gotta give kudos to the workers who do their best to distill our lives into one report.

Next step: the homestudy report needs to be completed and then we wait. We’ve put our name in to a couple of private agencies and plan to pursue a couple of public agencies, but I fear it will be a long wait.

So, what am I going to blog about now?  YIKES.


I wrote my last post while I was out-of-town on a short contract. I have to admit that as much as I enjoy having time at home to settle into our new community, I’m relieved that I’ve been able to find some projects to work on. Maybe I’m a bit too busy now, but I still get to be at home with the pups AND I’m earning an honest paycheque. Hopefully, I get to travel a little bit more too, but not too much 😉

I arrived back in town just in time for our first homestudy. I’m glad we’ve finally completed our first one. The homestudy always seemed shrouded in mystery… how long does it take, how invasive will it be, what if I accidentally blurt out the wrong thing and our application is outright rejected? When it was done, I actually felt like it was sort’ve anti-climactic, once I reflected back on it.

Now, I know that there are a couple more to go, and perhaps our adoption practitioner was easing us into it to make us more comfortable. I think we spent a lot of time talking about my husband’s new job. A little bit about our childhoods… and then we went over the rest of the paperwork. You know, it wasn’t scary at all.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been so caught up in the process of first, trying to get pregnant and now, adoption, that I forget about the scary parts of raising a child. At the end of all of this, we may just get to be parents. At least, I hope we do. It’s been such a long struggle… almost 5 years, and pretty much our entire marriage. I forget what it was like before infertility consumed me. It’s sadly become such a significant part of who I am in my thirties that I can’t really remember the woman who didn’t know anything about infertility or the adoption process. Oh well.

Next week, we start our mandatory training sessions for prospective adoptive parents. I wonder how those will go over? It might be interesting to meet the other couples. I sure hope they don’t make us start with those awkward teambuilding/ice-breaker games (ick!).

June 2018
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